Invite your family members and your closest friends. You do not have to invite everyone who went to the first wedding. If it were me, I would invite the people who are closest to my daughter. They probably know she has been married before, so it will not matter to them at all. Good luck to you and your daughter!

I would suggest you leave the question of who to invite to the couple themselves. I agree that there is no need for people who went to the 1st wedding to be invited as a formality or anything.

However, if they are having a big wedding I would hope that (on her side of the family) they would at least both invite immediate and near-extended family (siblings, grandparents, and probably but not necessarily aunts uncles and first cousins) and very close friends. People like, for instance, your church group need not be invited (unless someone from there is really, truly close to your daughter and has spent time with just her - and then just that one person might be invited). Overall, friends or relatives who know your daughter mainly through you, and not by herself, need not be invited.

I would suggest you refrain from mentioning specific people to your daughter and instead just leave it up to the couple themselves. If you are helping your daughter organize the wedding (which it sounds like you are), just put the ball in her court by saying "I'll be happy to help you address and send out the invitations - you just need to give me a list of people you want to invite by such-and-such a date. Don't worry if you don't have addresses for everyone on your list - that can be part of my job to get those addresses." That way you can show you are truly helping her prepare for her special day but you are not increasing the couple's wedding expenses.

On a 3rd wedding 16 years later, you also don't have to worry quite as much about if anyone might get offended at not being invited.

It's nice of you to be so concerned about this, by the way. One friend I know (who, along with her fiance, were paying for their own wedding), had the problem of her mother-in-law constantly trying to invite extra people, when they just wanted a small wedding without having extra expenses. (It still bugs her a year down the track.) It's so great that you are being sensitive to this point.

Everyone is entitled to the wedding of their dreams ,even if it's the third time around.

And technically, it's not your call who to invite. It's up to your daughter and her fiance. I feel you're projecting a bit of your own (possible) embarrassment or uncomfortable feelings on this situation by "thinking" for those guests who have yet to even be invited. You might feel uncomfortable being invited to someone's third wedding when you were invited to the first, but you really don't know the minds of all those people.

You mention that your daughter and fiance are paying for the entire wedding. That assumes then that they have a budget and can afford to invite as many guests as it takes to have a "big" wedding that the fiance wants. While it's admirable to have a weather eye on their money, in the end it is their money being spent.

If your daughter invites them, and they don't want to attend...for whatever reason...they won't.

Being blunt here, from the use of the word "I" in your post about your daughter's wedding, I get the sense you're not really secure in her marrying for a third time (not that you dislike the fiance; just the idea), or are having trouble letting go of the situation and letting your daughter handle it herself. I get the sense you either feel it's not worth the effort (again, nothing against the fiance) or you feel you can keep her from getting her heart broken again by controlling what goes on with the wedding.

It's not with malicious intent you're doing this, but with the pure love from a mother's heart. You love your daughter but perhaps you're trying to "control" the outcome of the marriage more so than you're actually worrying about a guest list.

Thank you so much for your answer. She knows I am there for her in any way she needs me, I always have been and always will be.
I am so happy for them and especially my youngest grandson that really needs a daddy!

Thank you for the award! I'm happy for you that you will see your daughter happy and your grandson with a dad!